


The Best Dreams

by CaesiumDressing



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Death, Depression, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 10:28:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6048160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaesiumDressing/pseuds/CaesiumDressing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylo Ren dreams sometimes. But the best dreams are always the darkest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Best Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song "Mad World" by Tears for Fears as covered by Gary Jules.

Some nights Kylo Ren dreamed.

Some nights he would dream of his father, teaching him how to fly the Millennium Falcon. Or sometimes they'd be wandering in the forest, little Ben Solo sitting on Chewie's shoulders. He felt a million feet tall in those dreams. Those were always bad dreams. He'd wake up in a cold sweat, sheets tangled around his long legs.

Some nights he'd dream of his mother, holding him tight to her breast as he sobbed his eyes out over whatever silly thing a child would be crying over. Sometimes it was a skinned knee, sometimes it was a broken toy, or sometimes his father yelled at him for some nonsense thing he'd done. His mother always comforted him and on the days his father lost his temper she'd scold him while resting her chin on his head. Her voice was never loud, she never yelled, but it was firm and terse. He would always hear his father apologize. These were also unpleasant. On those nights he woke up with tears in his eyes.

Some nights he'd dream of when Luke brought him to the academy. He'd remember the friends he'd had there. Some children would be cruel, like children are, but there were always ones who would spar with him fairly. They would help him up and dust him off when he fell. He could hear Luke gently coaching him on how to hold his practice saber properly. He also heard Luke whisper to him to not be afraid, and how this would lead him to the dark side. Those were painful dreams. He'd bolt upright in bed, screaming.

Some nights, the worst nights, were the ones where he would dream of the night he slaughtered the other children at the academy. He'd feel his rage. Every saber swing, every drop of blood that hit his face. He'd hear the screams of his enemies and friends alike. They were all screaming "Why Ben?" while Snoke gently encouraged him to be more brutal and give himself to the anger. He'd see Luke's ship taking off for parts unknown as he stood in the rain, surrounded by the Knights of Ren. Those dreams he'd wake and not be able to move or even breathe for a time. When he finally could move he'd do nothing but shiver in the dark, not daring to go back to sleep.

But sometimes he'd have good dreams. When he'd fallen off of Chewie's shoulders he'd landed on a sharp rock. Or instead of skinning his knee when he fell off the speeder he'd fallen into a ravine. Or some of the less nice children at the academy had hit him too hard when sparring and he didn't get back up. Or The blaster bolt that Luke fired at him when he stepped off the ship surrounded by the knights hit him in the chest and he'd fallen into the darkness. These dreams he would wake up from happy. They were the best he'd ever had.


End file.
